Forget What You Eat—You Are What You Think! Pt. 1

If I had a nickel for every time a client said to me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” or “I hate myself for being this way,” I’d be rich enough to pay off my student loans 😆! If you’re being completely honest, you can probably think of times you’ve thought these things yourself. I know I have!

When you know what your goal is and yet you keep missing the mark, it can be very disappointing and discouraging. But one of the mistakes that you keep making that negatively affects your progress is (1) tying up your negative behavior with your identity and (2) misidentifying thoughts as facts.

With regards to my first point, think of it this way. How many times have other people labeled you based on the things you did in the past? Better yet, how many times have YOU labeled yourself based on the things you’ve done in the past?

If you want to change the way you act it starts by changing the way you label, think about, and perceive yourself. Why does this matter? Simple.

If I label my behavior as being negative, I can change it; but if I label myself as being negative, it becomes an enduring part of my personality and identity (which means it’s hopeless to think I’ll ever change).

Remember,

Just because you got wasted at a party and “acted like a fool” in front of your coworkers doesn’t make you a “sloppy drunk.”

Just because you cheated on your diet and gained 10 pounds when you were trying to lose 10 pounds doesn’t make you a “fat slob.”

Just because you failed your exam due to making a careless mistake doesn’t make you a “dumb idiot.”

Just because you overslept and missed your friend’s birthday dinner doesn’t make you a “pathetic excuse for a friend.”

Just because you forgot to buy something for your spouse’s birthday doesn’t make you a “crappy partner.”

After reading these examples, be honest. Did you find it hard to agree with these statements? Are you one of those people who constantly label yourself due to screwups/past mistakes? Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “Actually, YES, it does make me a sloppy drunk, fat slob, etc.” Then you NEED a mentality upgrade. What do I mean by that?

One of the things that you absolutely need to remember is that your mindset or mentality is super important as it is essentially like the overall operating system in your life (to borrow a computer term). In technology, an operating system is a software that, “manages all of the software and hardware on the computer.”

In the same sense, your mindset in life often dictates the choices you make, your feelings, your interpretations of your lived experience, and much more. If you don’t update or upgrade your software often enough, you may end up with more serious problems (e.g., hardware problems, a virus—or something that can’t easily be addressed without outside help).

If you’re running old, faulty cognitive software, then this makes it that much harder for you to change your life and achieve your goals. So in essence, you will exhibit the same old faulty behavioral/mental patterns.

I don’t want to get too technical, but think of it this way. Think about your cell phone. Let’s say that you’re trying to place a phone call and it won’t go through. Or maybe you’re trying to send a text message and the letter ‘e’ won’t come up when you press it. Or maybe your phone’s screen keeps freezing up, making it difficult to use the phone. Now, while you (not me of course!) may imagine throwing your phone at the wall in frustration, you probably wouldn’t immediately grab your phone and throw it away. Instead, you would try out multiple steps to try to identify and address the source of the problem.

Maybe you would turn off the phone and turn it back on.
Maybe you would check to see if you have a signal.
Maybe you would erase the network settings.
Maybe you would try a soft reset; and if that didn’t work, a hard reset.
Maybe you would check your phone settings to see if your phone needed a software update.
If all else failed, you might just determine it’s a more serious hardware issue and take it in to your local tech store…

Whether you acknowledge it or not, you may be going through life with a faulty mental operating system/software. While in some cases you may need a cognitive “software update”, in other cases, you need a complete cognitive “software upgrade.”

Hate to break it to you but you are walking around with old, outdated, maladaptive (cognitive) operating systems; and this shows up in the ways you label, view yourself, and live your life. So if this is you then you may be asking yourself, “How do I address this?”

Read Pt. 2 here…

Be honest! In what ways have your own self-labels negatively impacted the likelihood that you will achieve your goals? If you’re not afraid to share, what are some of the negative labels you’ve thought or said to yourself?

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drDyona