If you haven’t already, check out parts 1 and 2 on getting rid of bad luck. The second factor that keeps you stuck is one you probably do every day without realizing it. 

Fill in the blank 

Look back over the past few hours (or even days). How often have you started a sentence with the words “I feel like…”?

• I feel like I’ll be in graduate school forever.
• I feel like I will never be able to purchase my own home.
• I feel like good things happen to everybody else but me.
• I feel like I’ll always be broke.
• I feel like I’ll never find the woman for me.
• I feel like I’m going to bomb this interview.
• I feel like I’ll never match with a residency.
• I feel like my business will never get off the ground.
• I feel like a bad mom for having to work so often.

Or, made statements like this:

• I feel fat
• I feel worthless
• I feel useless
• I feel like a failure

Though these are phrases you and I use all the time, they all fall under the category of one of the most insidious—if not plain dangerous—cognitive distortions.

Emotional reasoning

So to understand what emotional reasoning is, you have to understand the difference between expressing your emotions (good) and engaging in emotional reasoning (bad, very bad 😳).

First things first, everybody has emotions. The six most common ones being happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise, and fear. Anything you experience on a daily basis can trigger an emotional reaction from you. 

• You get promoted at work —> Happiness
• Your child starts to choke on their meal —> Fear
• Your friend pukes in your car —> Disgust
• Unbeknownst to you, your wife gathers all of your friends over for your birthday —> Surprise
• Your partner belittles you in front of your friends —> Anger
• Your dog has to be put down —> Sadness

Having emotions aren’t a bad thing. But where you get into trouble is when you start to let your emotions (or more specifically your subsequent “feelings”) lead your decision making. Think of it like this.

When it comes to what leads to us experiencing certain feelings, the process generally looks like this: 

Thoughts then Feelings then Actions OR

Facts then Your interpretation of the facts then Feelings then Actions

Emotional reasoning flips everything on its head in this way:

Feelings which dictate the Facts then Actions

If your thought life was a car, emotional reasoning means allowing your feelings to sit in the driver’s seat and take YOU for a ride. 

If you’re an emotional reasoner then you have to realize that as long as you act as if your “feelings” are gospel, they will be! Tweet this!

And emotional reasoning statements do not always start with the words “I feel” or “I feel like.” Check out several sentences that Mona expressed (as described in my first post):

• “I’ve spent my whole life coming in second to her”
• “The world is made up of DeeDee’s and Mona’s”
• “You got him just like you’ve always gotten everything.”

Can you relate to any of these? Put “I feel like” in front of all of these statements and you get the same result. You express a feeling (which is really just a faulty belief) as if it were gospel and allow it to dictate your life.

If you’re an emotional reasoner then you have to realize that as long as you act as if your “feelings” are gospel, they will be!

If your thought life was a car, emotional reasoning means allowing your feelings to sit in the driver’s seat and take YOU for a ride.Tweet this!

If you want to change your bad luck for good then you need to catch yourself when you’re engaging in emotional reasoning. 

How do you do that? Simple. Ask yourself, 

“Is this an actual fact? Or am I operating as if all of my thoughts/feelings are automatically facts?” 

If the latter, then this is your reminder to:

• Question your thoughts/feelings.
• Look for evidence to confirm or disconfirm what you are thinking or feeling about yourself.
• Remember that sometimes your thoughts are just opinions, not facts. 

In doing these things, you will finally be able to kick emotional reasoning to the curb for good! Keep an eye out here for my last post in this series.