I was walking past my TV when the headline caught my eye.

Jacky Oh, dead at 32.

While I didn’t know a lot about her, the part of the story that made my heart drop was when I saw that she left behind a husband and 3 young kids. I couldn’t help but imagine what they would be experiencing in the weeks, months & years to come.

That’s when I heard The alleged cause of death: complications from “a mommy makeover” (or another word for elective surgery). Wow, I thought to myself. That’s so sad. But since I had to go back to work, I put it out of my head…or so I thought.

Nothing Like Quality Time 

Two weeks ago, my siblings and I went to visit our cousin who had just had a baby. We talked about everything. The changes in her life, her baby’s quirky sleeping habits, and the effect the delivery had had on her body. And as we talked about those changes, my mind—of course—went back to Jacky Oh’s “mommy makeover.” 

Everybody has an opinion 

The debates were raging online. On one side, you had the people labeling Jacky a ‘bad mom’ for depriving her children of their mother over an “unnecessary” procedure. On the other side, you had the people encouraging sympathy for the family she left behind.

Each side thought their opinion was right. Each side accused the other of being foolish or judgmental. But I also couldn’t help but consider something else entirely. What is it about us and our society that makes a woman think that a mommy makeover is even necessary?

Questions that need answers

Have you ever heard of a “daddy makeover”? No? Me neither. Now I know what you may be thinking. “Men don’t need mommy makeovers because they’re not the ones giving birth and watching their body change.” 

Okay, let’s say that’s true. But what would our society be like if we taught women to actually love on and appreciate both their bodies—their pre-baby body as well as their new body—the one that allowed them to literally bring forth new life?

Love the Skin You’re In?

Don’t get me wrong. I understand, as a woman the wanting to feel beautiful, attractive, and desirable (whether it’s to your partner or the world at large). And if you take pride in your body/looks, it can be hard to get used to your post-baby body. Everything looks and feels different. Things that used to sit up start hanging low & things that used to be tight lose their firmness.

But rather than bashing post-baby bodies, maybe we all can help the women around us—our mothers, sisters, nieces, cousins, friends and even ourselves— by changing our perspective on what beauty is and what it looks like. 

After the news of Jacky Oh’s passing I read several comments discussing how ‘beautiful’ Jacky was, how she didn’t needa mommy makeover, and how she should just accept herself. 

But part of the problem is our society encourages women to think their worth or value—at least partially—comes from the way they look. Tweet this!

Then when women ‘drink the kool-aid,’ and make the decisions that logically follow (e.g., liposuction, tummy tuck, implants, etc.), we rush to judge and label them a bad mom.

At the end of the day, it’s never fair to judge past choices based on the knowledge you have now. If Jacky knew her life would end during that surgery, then it’s very likely she would have never gone through with it—especially knowing that she would be leaving her children behind. 

And sure, some people will say she had the right to make the choice to get the surgery (regardless of the potential risks associated with the surgery). And they’d be right. As an adult, you do have the right to make decisions in your life. 

But I also think that we have to look at the bigger picture and society we live in. As long as we continue to put the message out there that a woman’s changing body is bad, ugly, or unattractive—and women continue to buy into the idea that their worth or value is dependent on the way they look—situations like this will keep happening. What do you think you can do to start putting a different message out there?