Do you remember that old Zoloft commercial about depression? 

This commercial used a sad-looking blob to depict what it is like for a person who struggles with depression. The main thing that stood out to me from that commercial was the tiny rain cloud that hovered over the person’s head and followed them everywhere leading them to feel hopelessly depressed.

If you’re reading this post, then chances are you have your own little rain cloud hovering above you. The only difference is that tiny little cloud isn’t depression…it’s regret. 

The Eternal Struggle

Maybe you are currently struggling with a lot of regret. Maybe you tend to be very hard on yourself. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of that infernal club! lol. 😩 Maybe you constantly find yourself thinking about past decisions and wishing you had said or done things differently.

Maybe you wish you:

• Purchased a home as opposed to renting
• Did work study as opposed to taking out student loans
• Sent your kid to school as opposed to homeschooling
• Held off on getting that extra tattoo or piercing
• Kept your kid instead of giving them up for adoption
• Dated the nice guy as opposed to the smooth talker
• Went to trade school instead of college
• Made it work with your spouse as opposed to divorcing
• Spent time with your kid as opposed to working more hours
• Bought that stock as opposed to waiting for the price to drop
• Bit your tongue as opposed to expressing yourself bluntly

On and on it goes. Now I’m sure you know there is a growing number of people who like to say that they have “no regrets.”

I’m going to have to call BS on that one. 😶 Now before you get all testy, let me explain what I mean: 

1) The reality is that everybody has regrets. And, 

2) The older you get—and the more life you experience—you will always look back and see some thing that you could have done differently.

This is a part of growing/maturing. Now you may not let yourself get bogged down by your regrets (which is healthy), but you definitely will have them. I don’t care how old or young you are; you will have many sources of regret.

Regret about past choices. Regret about old relationships. Regret about roads not taken. Regret about things you should’ve said but didn’t. Regret about things you never should’ve said at all. Regret about time spent. Regret about money wasted. On and on it goes…

I’ll never forget the time I was having a conversation with a friend who brought up his finances while scrolling through his banking app. 

“Ugh!” He slammed his phone on the table. “Every time I think about it it makes me angry all over again!”

“What does?”

“The amount of money I wasted in college. I was so busy living my ‘best life’ that I didn’t even save or invest a bit of it! Now, when I could be out here purchasing property like everybody else, I’m stuck working a 9-5.”

Can you relate?

When you look back on your life, do you tend to focus on all of the (seemingly) crappy or unwise decisions you made? If this is you, I want to share the secret to getting out of the regret loop.

Are you ready? Write this down (tattoo it backwards on your forehead if you have to 😆)

You can’t judge your past self based on what you know now. Tweet this!

I know this sounds simple enough but do you really understand this? If you continue to do this then you will be the reason you get stuck in a self-defeating, regret loop. 

The biggest thing that keeps you stuck & focused on past regrets is your tendency to judge your past self—& all of the decisions you made back then—based on the information you have now. Tweet this!

The key to truly living without (or dwelling on) regret is reminding yourself that all of the decisions you made in the past were based on the information you had available to you at that time. 

In other words, you can’t judge your 21-year old self based on the information you have now as a 38-year old.

What you need to tell yourself when you’re tempted to beat yourself up again

In addition, imagine if your regrets are based on things that happened ages ago. If you were significantly younger then, you have to remember that your brain (specifically your frontal lobe—which is involved in judgment/good decision making) was still developing. So even if you received good advice/counsel, you most likely wouldn’t be able to truly grasp or appreciate it at that point. 

My challenge to you within the next few weeks is this: 

STOP

Stop rehashing ALL of the decisions or choices from your past that you now believe were wrong.

Stop beating yourself up for past decisions/mistakes.

Instead, remind yourself that you made the best decision for yourself at that time based on the information/life experiences you had available to you back then. 

Then you can forgive yourself and move forward. 

If you struggle with any of these steps, get yourself a therapist (and no, this isn’t a shameless plug, lol. It’s the truth 🙂) A good therapist can help you identify, unpack, and let go of the emotional baggage that’s weighing you down so you can be free.

Besides, as someone wise once said, “You‘ll never be able to drive forward if your gaze is always glued to the rearview mirror.” So start looking forward today…

P.S. If you find yourself constantly regretting the things you did recently (…like as recently as yesterday or a week ago)…get a therapist. Instead of having difficulty getting over past regrets, you may need help learning how to manage or curb your impulsive behaviors.

Be honest with yourself. What areas of your life do you need to stop dwelling on today? What would your life look like if you stopped beating yourself up for past mistakes? 👀