In the last post, I shared some of my biases and insecurities that kept me stuck and looking to others to validate me.
Specifically, I always felt like as if I had to prove myself. Although my parents did their best to instill a sense of pride/cultural pride in us, there was still this lingering sense of not ever really being good enough.
I would often compare myself, my skills and abilities to others. This led to what I call the validation trap. This is when you wait to receive external validation to know you’re “on the right track” and question everything if you don’t receive that validation from others. In short, I got into the habit of waiting on others to confirm that I was “doing good” or “good enough.”
Can you relate? There can be many reasons for this.
- Maybe you’ve always struggled with self-doubt.
- Maybe you’re not as confident as your peer or co-worker.
- Maybe you don’t believe you have any strengths/skills worth mentioning.
- Maybe you don’t think you have anything to offer anyone (e.g., a job, a friend, a lover, etc.).
- Maybe you still suffer from Imposter Syndrome and really have to work to convince yourself that you’re not the fraud you fear you are.
- Maybe you have a mental health condition (e.g., depression, anxiety, bipolar, borderline personality, etc.) that has convinced you that you aren’t good enough.
Regardless of the reason, it’s time for you to change. You get yourself into major trouble when you get in the habit of waiting on others to validate you. Please don’t forget, you are NOT a parking ticket and do not need to wait to be validated! Take the time to truly review and reflect on what you bring to the table. If you struggle to do this, ask a friend or partner to tell you what they perceive to be your strengths.
If you honest to God cannot see anything positive about yourself, Get. A. Therapist! Stat!
While negative thinking may be fairly common, it isn’t healthy or beneficial to constantly think this way about yourself and what you bring to the table.
Once you have an awareness of what you bring to the table,
OWN IT
AFFIRM IT
VALIDATE IT
- If you’re the best hairstylist you know, own it!
- If you’re the best parking attendant you know, own it!
- If you’re really good at marketing, own it!
- If you’re naturally skilled at math, own it!
- If you’re a great therapist, own it!
- If you’re a great businessperson, own it!
- If you’re a great stay at home parent, own it!
- If you’re the best lawyer you know, own it!
- If you’re the best neurosurgeon you know, own it!
- If you’re good at creating Instagram reels, own it!
- If you’re good at being a life coach, own it!
Don’t wait on others to acknowledge what you already know to be true.
Stop waiting on other people to cheer you on. Put on your uniform and be your own cheerleader. Throw your own pep rally. Don’t wait for others to validate you or your wins. Let your work speak for itself. Operate under the assumption that your work will speak for itself. Then go out there and DO IT!
What idea, work or project are you sitting on? Is it a book? A presentation? A master class? An app? A website? A YouTube page? A business? Time to put it out there!
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