At various points in my life I can remember feeling like a failure or thinking that I had nothing truly good or unique to offer in comparison to others. Can you relate? The reality is that you are living in a time and society where everyone around you wants to be out doing “big things” (or wants to be “seen” doing big things). You want to be “successful.” You sure as heck don’t want to be a “failure.” You constantly compare yourselfves to others to try to ensure we measure up.

While I’d love to say I’m completely immune to this, that would be a lie. I know what it’s like to be bitten by the comparison mosquito. It sucks (pun intended) 😂!

You find yourself constantly taking mental notes of the people around you and the way in which you don’t measure up.

• “I’m not as talented as her.”

• “I wish I had better social skills like him.”

• “If I were more interesting, I’d have more friends.”

• “I’ll never be as good a communicator as he is.”

• “If I were a good salesman I’d move more products.”

• “If I weren’t so abnormal maybe I’d be in a relationship.”

• “If only I’d earned my degree I could make more money.”

• “He has more followers than me because he’s smarter than me.”

• “She’s obviously a better __________ than me and that’s why she’s so successful.”

Now to be clear, it’s perfectly natural for you to compare yourself to others; however, I’d argue it’s unhelpful and unhealthy to do so. Wanting to better yourself (in one way or another) isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, it can become a bad thing when you spend too much time focused on what others have (skills, abilities, characteristics, etc.) but don’t do the work to learn or recognize what you have and bring to the table. Instead, you spend an inordinate amount of time comparing and recognizing just how much you have failed to measure up.

Striving is normal

Part of being human is growing, maturing and evolving. If you’re reading this blog then chances are you are constantly striving to better yourself and to do more, accomplish more, and achieve more goals. You enjoy watching progress from one level to the next. You get excited when you watch a child crawl and then walk and then run. You remember when you obtained your first job, graduated with a diploma/GED or walked across a commencement stage. You still remember how you felt when you purchased a car or home. You enjoy and want to be able to say (or prove) that you’ve done something, accomplished something, or become greater than you were before.

In general, it’s often easy for you to see the progress that other people have made or to acknowledge other’s strengths/unique skills. But if I asked you about your own unique skills/abilities, you would more easily focus on and recall the negative. “You want a list of my weaknesses? Sure! Give me a minute and I’ll write them ALL down for you. But a list of my strengths???!”

Why is that?

Oversight

In some cases this is because you have failed to appreciate your own successes or the abilities that set you apart from everyone else.

Maybe your parents weren’t the type to reinforce or compliment you on your strengths. So if you don’t hear it from them, you assume it must not be present. Maybe you were raised in a culture that values modesty and family or group-focused success as opposed to individualistic success. Accordingly, you may try your best to avoid being prideful and focus on the collective versus your individual happiness. Maybe you struggle with self-doubt/self-esteem issues and find it hard to believe that you actually have something good to offer.

In the case that this is an oversight on your part; and with a little work, you can learn to identify and recognize your strengths/weaknesses and put measures in place to amplify or compensate for them, respectively. But what if you honest to God cannot believe or conceive that you have anything to offer?

Psychological blindspot

Some times, what you have to offer really is outside of your conscious awareness. This is what is known as your psychological blindspot (a concept that is explained in the graphic “Johari’s window” below).

If you’ve ever had numerous people compliment you on something and thought, “They must be trying to flatter me because there’s no way that’s true” then there is a chance this “characteristic” is in your blindspot. That is, it’s not known to you but is known to/observed by others.

Imagine this. You’re driving down the highway and recognize your exit is coming up. What do you do? Do you quickly glance at your side mirror and then immediately change lanes? Definitely not! Why? Because any good driving teacher would have warned you that you have to turn and glance at the lane next to you just in case a car entered your blindspot—that point in your side mirror where you can’t see a car coming.

If you forget everything else you’ve read today, don’t forget this. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is not recognizing your positive skills that are in your blindspot. Others can see them but you cannot. Sometimes, it’s because you’re not really looking. But at other times it’s because you need just a little help bringing those things that are outside of your conscious awareness to the forefront. Remember,

To help bring this point home, let me share a story I briefly heard on a sermon by the phenomenal Dr. Tony Evans.

One day, a guy named Curtis decided that the best way to get the money he needed was to rob a bank. After visiting the bank, he decided on a date and time; but the night before the robbery, he dropped by his parent’s house. Unbeknownst to his parents, he entered his dad’s bedroom and “borrowed” his dad’s gun. The following day, Curtis held up the bank and stole $6,000.

Due to surveillance, law enforcement officials were able to quickly capture Curtis. While taking the gun into evidence, they recognized that the gun was a limited edition semi-automatic made in 1918. It’s value: $100,000. And just in case you were wondering, no, your eyes aren’t deceiving you.

Curtis robbed a bank and got away with $6,000 while using a gun worth over 16 times that amount.

The moral of the story is that Curtis didn’t know just what he had in his possession. So he chased something less, and missed out on the more he already had in his possession. So please, do yourself a favor: don’t be a Curtis.

What are some of the positive qualities/skills that others have said you have that you have a hard time believing? Is it possible that this quality is in your blindspot?