In my last post, I began pointing out the ways in which your thoughts get you into trouble and make it that much more likely that you will miss out on meeting your goals. Specifically, I noted that “Your mindset in life often dictates the choices you make, your feelings, your interpretations of your lived experience, and much more. If you don’t update or upgrade your software often enough, you may end up with more serious problems.” Now after reading the initial blog some of you may have noticed that you do have faulty cognitive software.

Maybe you’ve recognized that you tend to label yourself in a negative way. If so, then that’s one problem that you need to address yesterday.

Another common issue that I run into is when people confuse their thoughts or beliefs with the actual facts. So in essence, you have a habit of assuming that whatever you think or believe must be true; accordingly, this can negatively impact your feelings and subsequent behaviors. I’ll give you an example.

Years ago, I saw a client for therapy to address some chronic depression. In addition, she was then a part of a weight loss program to address her concerns about her weight. I’ll call her “Ruby.” Ruby walked into my office one day in a horrible mood. She had barely sat down before she stated, “Dr. Dyona, I feel horrible. I’m so fat and ugly.” Now, all of my clients know that bashing themselves is not allowed in my office. So aside from the fact that she was negatively labeling herself, it was also important for me to understand where this was coming from.

I asked her what led her to this conclusion. To my utter and complete shock she told me, “I woke up this morning, looked in the bathroom mirror and thought to myself, ‘Look at you. You’ve put on all this weight. You’re so ugly and fat.’”

I asked her several follow up questions. “Where did that thought come from? How do you know that thought/belief is true? Did you measure your weight/inches? Did you step on a scale? Did you see your primary care physician [PCP]? Did he confirm that you are overweight and need to go on a diet?”

Her response? “No, no, no, no, no, and nope.”

Now, don’t even think about judging her! You know, as well as I know, that you (and me!) have been guilty of doing this! Please hear me when I say this. You are doing yourself a MAJOR disservice when you assume that every single thought/belief that runs through your head is automatically true.

If you forget everything else I’ve said in this post, don’t forget this. Oftentimes, thoughts are just opinions that you have about yourself, your environment, and your future. As long as you remember that it frees you up to prove those opinions to be untrue.

If you sit down with a qualified mental health professional, they can help you to identify negative or maladaptive thoughts as well as find evidence that contradicts your initial thoughts. Remember,

Just because you think you’re stupid doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re fat doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re unattractive doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re a failure doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re hopeless doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re not good enough doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’re a bad friend doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think you’ll always be broke doesn’t make it true.

Just because you think your relationships will never work out doesn’t make it true.

Now you do this next one. What is that annoying or recurrent thoughts/belief that keeps reverberating in your head? Fill in the blank with that thought.

Just because I think ________________doesn’t make it true.

Remind yourself of this over and over again until it sticks.

To end things off, I had a very interesting session with Ruby as I helped her recognize the cognitive distortion (or thought error) that led her to feel so badly about herself and worked on helping her to look for evidence that contradicted her previous belief.

During our next session, Ruby came in and told me that she couldn’t see her PCP about her weight concerns; however, she was able to weigh herself. To both our surprise, she recognized that she had lost 12 pounds since the last time she weighed herself! When I asked her how this fit in with her previous thought, she replied, ‘Well, at least now I know I’m not as fat.” Obviously, we still had some work to do 🙃

Read Pt. 3 here where I will cover the different services that you can use⎼therapy versus coaching⎼to address your need for cognitive software updates or more significant upgrades. …

Be honest! Which of your thoughts have you been conflating with facts? How would your life or outlook change if you stopped doing that?

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