STOP trying to make Fetch Happen! Why Forcing Things Never Works Out
Do you remember the classic movie Mean Girls? I saw this movie trending on Netflix the other day and felt so nostalgic. I can still remember when people were quoting the movie or following the Mean Girl rules (e.g., “on Wednesdays we wear pink!”). Regardless of which school you went to, I’m almost positive that you could relate to some of the themes/clichés.
While rewatching this movie there was a certain scene that stuck out to me more than usual. If you’re unfamiliar with the movie, a ‘mean girl’ named Gretchen spends most of the movie trying to make a slang UK word, “fetch,” catch on at her high school. Any and every single time she can use the word “fetch”, she does; but no matter how many signs that she gets that people are not catching on, she continues to use it. Eventually, after she’s repeated it for the umpteenth time, the Queen Bee, Regina George, utters the famous line:
“Stop trying to make fetch happen”
Eventually, after she’s repeated it for the umpteenth time, the Queen Bee, Regina George, utters the famous line:
Now maybe you’re #teamRegina or #teamGretchen. I’m not getting pulled into that debate 😂! But that does bring me to my main question. Are you trying to “make fetch happen” in your own life?
Just to make sure we’re on the same page, here is the definition of “stop trying to make fetch happen” from the ultimate authority on all things slang: The Urban Dictionary.
To “Give up [something] or let it go or go away because it is a futile pursuit; you are deluded to continue.
Be honest with yourself. Which of these scenarios resonates with you?
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You try to befriend someone. But no matter how many times you include them in events or reach out they never reciprocate or show interest. You convince yourself that if you’re nice to them they will eventually be your friend.
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Three years later and you still have no promotion or raise. You’ve done everthing your boss requested (& more). You convince yourself that the next thing you do will make the boss see your worth & promote you.
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Your partner tells you that they don’t want children—ever. Although this has always been a dealbreaker for you, you convince yourself that in time, with the right reinforcement, they will come around.
Here are some more…
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Your partner cheated on you for the fifth time & is unapologetic. You convince yourself that if you hit the gym, lose a pound or 10, & get plastic surgery or a hair transplant they’ll eventually see your worth & stop stepping out on you.
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Your friend w/benefits tells you they’re just looking for something casual. You convince yourself that if you hook up with them often enough & treat them perfectly they’ll eventually change their mind about you.
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You feel empty on the inside and spend a lot of money buying designer clothes, bags and luxury cars. You convince yourself that the next expensive purchase will finally make you feel like somebody.
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Be honest, have you done things like this before?
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I guarantee that at some point you have been guilty of “trying to make fetch happen.” Maybe you’re even doing it now! I won’t lie. Even I have tried to make something happen even in the face of overwhelming evidence that it would NEVER happen! #dontjudgeme 😂 If you are doing this now then you are doing it to your own detriment!
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Don’t get it twisted. Past behavior is often the best indicator of a person’s future behavior. Stop solely listening to what people say and start focusing on what people do.
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Now maybe you’re thinking, “Well, I’ve done X before and it worked out for me.” Okay, question: If 1,000 people jump off a bridge and 1 of them makes it, and 999 don’t, would you jump at the chance to dive off the same bridge as well? Probably not. Why? Because on some level you recognize that the exception is the exception—not the rule.
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I want you to take a hard look at your own life right now. Are there areas where you are trying to force and make something happen even in the face of overwhelming evidence that it will never happen?
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Remember,
If a person doesn’t see your worth today chances are they won’t see your worth tomorrow.
If a person doesn’t value you today chances are they won’t value you tomorrow.
If a person keeps making promises to you and breaking them chances are they will continue to do so.
If what you’ve been doing for the past year hasn’t addressed your depression/anxiety then it probably won’t magically change tomorrow.
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Now I am not suggesting that people can’t change. On the contrary, everybody has room for improvement, growth, or maturity. But also remember what I mentioned above. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.
Never take shallow, superficial behavioral changes (or empty words) as a sign that the person is coming around. Real change isn’t followed by words. Real change is followed by actions. Don’t be afraid to talk to a friend or someone you trust if you think you may be ignoring some evidence in your own life now.
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*Are you a Christian or religious? One small sidenote. Yes, I do believe that prayer can change things. But I also believe that people often show us who they are and we refuse to believe them. Just as there’s nothing wrong with praying for a relationship/situation to change there’s also nothing wrong with praying to God to help you to know who (or what) is in your life for a season so you know when it’s time to move on. If you’d like me to expand on this in another blog, drop me a note in the comment box!
**Second side note: I am not saying that you shouldn’t persist or persevere in an idea that other people aren’t buying into. There are way too many stories of people writing books, starting companies, and developing products that flourished even when others initially shot them down and told them it was ‘stupid.’ If you persist in a project and it isn’t working then you may need to brainstorm, talk to a friend/coach, or look at it from another angle to see what could be keeping you stuck.